le sigh

You know when you read a book and think, "This is the book I wish I could have written."

Okay, maybe that's just me since I'm dork. But when you (me) have these little fantasies of the perfect world being a published author, you (I) ponder the types of books you'd (I'd) want to claim as your (my) own.

Gods Behaving Badly by Marie Phillips is one of those books.

It's unexpected, smart, raunchy, laugh out loud funny, and so very clever. It has the same irreverence and "I can't believe she thought that up" feel of Good Omens (the ultimate I-wish-I-wrote-it book). And similar in flavor. Instead of turning Revelations upside-down, Gods Behaving Badly turns Mount Olympus upside-down.

Except the gods don't live on Mount Olympus anymore. They live in London in a crappy, dirty townhouse and have to work regular jobs to get by. Well, not quite regular jobs. Apollo is a TV psychic. Aphrodite is a phone sex operator. Artemis is a dog walker. Dionysus owns a bar. Eros is...well, I don't want to spoil that because I laughed out loud (one of many times) when Eros was introduced in the story. She gets their modern personalities spot-on.

The worst part of my writer envy is that Phillips is only 32 years old! Oh cruel world.

A cruel world with the infinite benefit of fantastic reads.

politics as usual

It was no surprise that the Obama campaign made an ad within milliseconds of McCain’s completely moronic response to the question of how many houses he owned. (And also no surprise that McCain issued a moronic response to begin with now that I know that he graduated 894th in his class of 899 at Annapolis. I think Dubya was even smarter than that as he sailed half-drunk and stroned through college.)

But now the McCain camp has issued a rebuttal ad, something to the effect of Obama buying his $1.6 million home (really not that much when you live in Seattle!) with the help of a convicted felon blah blah….

So I’m waiting now for Obama to say something like he doesn’t Skittles, and the McCain camp will fling out an ad to the effect of:

Barack Obama vacationed in Hawaii
And now he doesn’t like Skittles?
Every child loves Skittles and would rather vacation in Disneyland
Clearly, Senator Obama hates children
America cannot afford a child-hater in the White House

And then McCain will comment that he doesn’t like peanut butter, and the Obama camp will issue an ad:

Senator McCain hates your mother
He won’t even eat her peanut butter cookies
Do you really want to vote for the candidate who hates Mom?

November is going to be a long time coming.

I have terrible news to report

Abercrombie is opening its first store in Paris.

That in and of itself is disturbing enough. But it gets worse.

Paris is allowing Abercrombie on the Champs Elysee.

Abercrombie. On the Champs Elysee.

I'm just going to let that sink in for a moment.... No wait, I'll hurk up my lunch if I linger on that.

The most iconic shopping avenue in the world will now feature an Abercrombie. This is what we export to the world. Paris Hilton, Dubya, and Abercrombie.

Make it stop.

I know I'm not supposed to be entertained by spammers, but....

These new faux news update spams have become a daily source of entertainment, especially as I sift through 300+ spams in my work filter to make sure something important hasn't been trapped there.

These in particular cracked me up:

msnbc.com - BREAKING NEWS: Paris Hilton Infested With Cockroaches

msnbc.com - BREAKING NEWS: Bulimia Not The Same As Being A Greedy
Bastard, Say Doctors

msnbc.com - BREAKING NEWS: Nature Did Not Connect the Funny Bone to the
Satire Bone

msnbc.com - BREAKING NEWS: Study reveals bass players 'every bit as dull
as golfers'


And my favorite:

msnbc.com - BREAKING NEWS: The Founding Fathers Fought for My Right to
be a Stupid Jerk

because food is the most important thing there is

1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.

The VGT Omnivore’s Hundred:
1. Venison YUCK
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht YUCK
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari YUCK
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes Don't anybody pretend like you haven't tried white trash wine at some point!
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras YUCK
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters YUCK
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut YUCK
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O just a bad idea in general
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini tastes like trees
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips YUCK
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail YUCK
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake