A day in the life

Perfectly hilarious snapshot from the weekend. I was cleaning the kitchen yesterday - Erik had made pancakes for breakfast - and I found my tweezers sitting on the kitchen counter amidst the dirty dishes.

"Um, dear, why are my tweezers in the kitchen?" (Because I know damn well I didn't put them there.)

"Oh," says he, "I needed to get eggshell out of the pancake batter."

*pause for my boggling to wear off*

"Wait, you used my eyebrow tweezers to pick eggshell out of batter?"

"Yeah."

"The tweezers I use for my eyebrows."

"Yeah."

"The tool I use near my eyes, you dunked it in eggs."

"I washed it off."

LOL! Just envisioning my husband in the kitchen, having dropped a bit of eggshell in the batter...does he reach for a spoon, a fork? No, the solution that his brain churned out was to go ALL THE WAY to the bathroom, opens the cabinet, finds my tweezers, and goes back to the kitchen. I know that might drive a lesser woman crazy, but I found it hilarious that eggshell in the batter = use her tweezers in his brain.

This is why I don't need much TV. What happens at home is far more entertaining.

Although I do need to stop watching HGTV and stop watching these whining babies on House Hunters bemoaning the fact that $300,000 can only buy a 2500 sq ft house that hasn't been updated since 1995. Oh, cry me a river, woman! Move here where $300,000 will buy you...well, it'll buy you nothing.

zombies R us

If the temperatures don't cool down soon, I predict much carnage in Latte Land. No one has slept right since Thursday, and the crankiness quotient is increasing by the day. And due to this walk on the sun, we can't actually have our lattes. So we're drinking frappuccinos and iced mochas instead. Between these tons of sugar, the heat, the insomnia, and the Sonics likely moving to hicksville, we have a dangerous concoction.

The weather types are saying that it will actually cool down to 80 degrees by tomorrow. But I cannot tell if that's the truth, or if they're just saying that to save their own skins.

So I am attempting to view Monday as a saving grace since we all get to return to air conditioning! (At least til quittin' time.)

May I should write a zombie story set in Seattle. Something cool like Resident Evil. Only with zombies who wear bad fleece and feed off Starbucks employees.

Oh wait, that's actual real life here. Nevahmind.

It's official

I'm losing it. I just sent out a company-wide bonehead email, leaving out a tiny "not" from a phrase that was supposed to describe what "does not" apply to attire for a certain fun event scheduled for Friday. So I've just told all our employees that Friday attire does include coconut bras and Speedos.

And now I just spilled my breakfast all over the floor.

Yesterday I had this brilliant team building idea and told some other co-workers that we needed to go see Pirates together and then go to Trader Vic's and drink rum. A positive reaction all around, of course. We even founded an acronym for our business woman's professional development organzation. Defining Excellence in Professional Pursuits (DEPP). Nice and vague and open to all sorts of interpretations, just like any good professional networking group.

I excpect that there's a Top Sekrit HR Commission somewhere waiting to haul me off for PC re-programming for encouraging drinking and boy crushing. Especially since I called myself a spaz in another company-wide email a couple days ago. Someone jokingly threatened to send me to five more HR classes for that infraction. I told him that I originally wrote "retarded" in the email, so now he's sending me to ten classes.

hey, what a deal!

I just spent $260 fixing the kitchen drain. No, I don't mind at all that I could have bought a plane ticket to Vegas for that! And I'm certainly not fussed in the least that I haven't had a vacation for 8 months because, baby, I can wash dishes now! Who needs Bellagio when you can have CHORES??

*headdesk*

We're fine. We're all fine here now, thank you. How are you?

Belief-O-Matic Quiz

1. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (100%)
2. Reform Judaism (92%)
3. Liberal Quakers (91%)
4. Orthodox Quaker (85%)
5. Unitarian Universalism (80%)
6. Orthodox Judaism (71%)
7. Islam (66%)
8. Bahá'í Faith (66%)
9. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (62%)
10. Sikhism (59%)
11. Seventh Day Adventist (57%)
12. New Age (53%)
13. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (52%)
14. Eastern Orthodox (52%)
15. Roman Catholic (52%)
16. Neo-Pagan (51%)
17. Secular Humanism (50%)
18. Mahayana Buddhism (45%)
19. Theravada Buddhism (44%)
20. Jehovah's Witness (43%)
21. Jainism (42%)
22. New Thought (42%)
23. Taoism (39%)
24. Hinduism (36%)
25. Scientology (35%)
26. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (33%)
27. Nontheist (29%)

http://beliefnet.com/story/76/story_7665_1.html

I always figured that if I hadn't been a Lutheran, I'd make a good Reform Jew. *G*

Right

Enough kvetching. The Flamingo just sent me an email for $69/night.

Is it an illness to love Vegas this much? I could save my money and go someplace impressive with culture and history.

But life is hard, daddy. I want some FLASH, some FOOD, and some SHOPPING!

And a short plane trip!

Not to mention that I can't actually afford a longer plane trip.

It's not easy being green

I try to be green, I really do. If I could pay extra to have them pick up recycling week instead of every other week, I’d do it. The recycle is bin is always packed, so I end up with bags of recycling in the garage until the bin is empty once again.

I drive an economical car, so I’m not burning up so much $3.50/gallon fuel. I really wanted the V-6, but I bought the 4-cylinder instead.

I only garden organic, even though I have serious dandelion rage and my lawn looks rather desperate in the summer (especially compared to all the Chem Lawn neighbors), but I refuse to use any “weed & feed” products that will end up in the watershed to poison the salmon and birdies.

However, when it comes to the bathrooms and kitchen sink, I’m all toxic all the way! So what if I have an asthma attack while scrubbing out the tub, I cannot live with tub scum. Burn my eyes with the oven cleaner? Them’s the breaks, babe!

I do realize that my household cleaners are ending up in the same place as the Chem Lawn. I am rationally aware that the amount of scrubbing bubbles going down the drain is probably killing more fish than the weed-be-gone would.

When we first moved into this house I really tried to use green cleaners. But guess what? They don’t work! They’re made of vinegar. Vinegar vs. bathroom ick and coffee stains in the kitchen sink? No, don’t think so!

My latest egregious environmental offense? Bathroom wipes! There, I cop to it. My garage shelves are stacked with four-packs of bathroom wipes from Costco.

But here’s the bottom line. Until the men of the world develop a higher threshold for dirt and, ergo, feel compelled to scrub something once in a while out of sheer disgust, I’m using toxic, non-recyclable, non-biodegradable cleaning agents in my home. That’s just the way it’s gonna be. So what if I become an emphysemac in the process. At least when I drop dead of asphyxiation, nobody will say “Oh my God, did you SEE that nasty tub?”

Our Friday paper was stuffed with Memorial Day sale ads. I fully stipulate to being a hypocrite, living as I do for Target sales. But I just need some brief thinky time regarding Memorial Day before I exercise my rights as a complex American girl, hypocrisy and all.

As of Friday, 2,464 U.S. men and women have died in Iraq. That number increases exponentially if one widens the scope to civilians - be they residents, journalists, contractors, aid workers.

Much has been written and discussed regarding the recklessness of this administration. I'm not sure I'd even call their behvaior immoral. Amoral is more like it.

The Democrats in Congress who refused to grow spines until popular opinion turned against the war are equally to blame. They were more concerned about their re-election campaigns than they were about fighting the most flagrant abuse of executive power in the history of this country. Both sides have the gall to cite the ever-popular founding fathers in order to bolster their positions while they tossed the Constitution in the recycle bin. The president, by completely thwarting it; the Democrats; by rolling over while he did so.

Of course, the real blame lies with the American public. I don't dispute for a moment that the political machine in this country does its best to minimize and deflect the voices of the electorate. The frustration out here in the real world is real. And we're busy! We work 50 hours a week, we're running at breakneck speed on the weekends to catch up on home life, and we're lucky if we get 10 days of paid vacation a year. Even for those of us paying attention to the political beast, it's really difficult to pay attention! And we feel powerless to change it.

Except at election time. But then comes the vast marketing campaign of the presidential election. Policy issues are cumbersome and boring. Any campaign manager worth his or her salt knows that complex issues need to be converted into clever slogans. They know we're busy, and they abuse that fact. Fear becomes the new currency, and they exploit it without shame.

What bothers me the most is that they succeed in exploiting something I don't understand. The residents of Manhattan overwhelmingly voted for Kerry. Yet the the entire middle of this country - most of whom will never experience anything remotely as horrific as 9/11 in their home cities - voted for Bush. If the people who really experienced terrorism first-hand didn't swallow the fearmongering, why is anyone else swallowing it?

Here is where the lines begin to be drawn. Liberals start accusing conversatives of being uneducated, racist, sheltered Bible thumpers who want to destroy America. Conservatives start accusing liberals of being elitist, unpatriotic, slutty atheists who want to destroy America.
And I wonder why we are a warring nation! When, in fact, I don't know actually anyone - liberal or conservative - who fits into either of those convenient stereotypes.

Bottom line, we talk inclusion, but we don't really mean it. We talk about a free society where eveyrone has a right to think and say what they want, but we don't actually believe that. If we did, we wouldn't berate those don't see the world as we do.

"But they started it first" is no excuse once you're past the age of 2. "My dogma can beat up your dogma." Oh shut the hell up.

I am terrified.

No, it isn’t avian flu or Dubya or Paris Hilton (this time anyway).

It’s my PowerPoint presentation It’s being presented to students, so I only have to give it in front of 15 or so people, but I am struck with abject fear all the same.

Struck? Stricken? Whatever.

I hate PowerPoint. Yes, it’s pretty and has zippy, flying graphics. However, this means I have to learn how to create zippy, flying graphics. Don’t mock me; I know it isn’t rocket science, but I’m feeling overwhelmed.

A lovely holiday weekend to all! Fitting with tradition, it is dark, wet, and 60 degrees (if we’re lucky) here in the Northwest. Yeah, go ahead and rub it in as you’re gallivanting in your hot, sunny locales. (My power bill will be cheaper than yours!)

I'd been under the impression for some time that Blogger required html genius. Lo and behold, it's idiot-proof. Mazel tov to me!

I'm going to try and focus my thoughts better here than in the whirlygig of wibble and meme's in other forums that tend to distract me from coherent thought.

Not that I'm opposed to spastic incoherency. Defintely one of my favorite modes of expression! But attempting to write something in other, more community-oriented forums is akin to just looking up something quickly in Google. Before you know it two hours have passed, and your search for "Title VII gender rulings, 9th Circuit" has turned into a side-by-side comparison of beach properties in Belize.