It's not easy being green

I try to be green, I really do. If I could pay extra to have them pick up recycling week instead of every other week, I’d do it. The recycle is bin is always packed, so I end up with bags of recycling in the garage until the bin is empty once again.

I drive an economical car, so I’m not burning up so much $3.50/gallon fuel. I really wanted the V-6, but I bought the 4-cylinder instead.

I only garden organic, even though I have serious dandelion rage and my lawn looks rather desperate in the summer (especially compared to all the Chem Lawn neighbors), but I refuse to use any “weed & feed” products that will end up in the watershed to poison the salmon and birdies.

However, when it comes to the bathrooms and kitchen sink, I’m all toxic all the way! So what if I have an asthma attack while scrubbing out the tub, I cannot live with tub scum. Burn my eyes with the oven cleaner? Them’s the breaks, babe!

I do realize that my household cleaners are ending up in the same place as the Chem Lawn. I am rationally aware that the amount of scrubbing bubbles going down the drain is probably killing more fish than the weed-be-gone would.

When we first moved into this house I really tried to use green cleaners. But guess what? They don’t work! They’re made of vinegar. Vinegar vs. bathroom ick and coffee stains in the kitchen sink? No, don’t think so!

My latest egregious environmental offense? Bathroom wipes! There, I cop to it. My garage shelves are stacked with four-packs of bathroom wipes from Costco.

But here’s the bottom line. Until the men of the world develop a higher threshold for dirt and, ergo, feel compelled to scrub something once in a while out of sheer disgust, I’m using toxic, non-recyclable, non-biodegradable cleaning agents in my home. That’s just the way it’s gonna be. So what if I become an emphysemac in the process. At least when I drop dead of asphyxiation, nobody will say “Oh my God, did you SEE that nasty tub?”