important things I did today

Got out of bed.

Ate French Toast (from leftover sourdough not used for stuffing) and bacon (just because every fridge should be stocked with bacon).

Went to Target.

Ate M & M's while Christmasifying the living room. Easy job since I never have a tree.

Went downtown with hubby.

Showed hubby every handbag I ever wanted or could ever want in the future at every shop we could never afford.

Toured gingerbread lane at the Sheraton.

Drank ubiquitous peppermint mocha.

Silently mocked shoppers at Barney's since everything in the window looked like the same thing one would find at Urban Outfitters.

Dragged hubby through Anthropologie.

Purchased Christmas gifts at Watson-Kennedy (tres francais!).

Admired beauty-full Christmas decorations.

Saw brilliant shirt that nephew needed in kids' shop at Post Alley. Appeared at first to be an AC/DC shirt but lettering was AB/CD. Discovered that 3T shirt was 40 bucks and decided that what would only be amusing to a grown-up was not worth 40 bucks.

Pined over clothing and shoes in Alhambra window.

Ate lunch/dinner (it was 3:30ish) at McCormick & Schmick's. Had to order apple cider mojito from holiday cocktail menu just because. Sounds like a weird combo but was YUMMY.

Have been sitting on ass since returning home. Can't believe the long weekend is already over. Boo.

what was I thinking??

Yes, I did go shopping this morning. No, not at 4 am or even 6 am. I got to Kohl's somewhere around 9 am. It was crowded, but didn't seem TOO terrible. I found some good stuff on sale for The World's Most Awesome Nephew and got ready to head to the checkout...and then realized that the line was halfway back into the store. Errr, no. I'd rather pay full price than stand in line for an hour. Really, people, what is your time worth?

So I shoved everything back onto the shelves! I did go into Target, which wasn't bad at all. Very crowded, but since the people who run Target actually have brains and had all the lanes open, it was no problem getting through there since I could use the express lane.

Then I managed to keep my tradition of buying more Christmas presents for myself than I do for anyone else. After hitting the "free mimosas while you shop" deal and walking away with decor I didn't really need, I also managed to acquire a new scarf, top, and jacket from another boutique I really didn't need to enter! The jacket is wool jacket and only 60 bucks, so I couldn't not buy that. Everyone knows I need to find a Scarfaholics Anonymous group since I can't ever NOT buy cute scarves when I find them. Plus, if I already had a jacket and a scarf, I needed a top, too, right?

Thanksgiving went fine. As soon as all the "I'm the expert" conversations started up between my grandma and her brother & his wife, I downed one glass of wine and was nearly through my second glass by the time we sat down for dinner! And bless my uncle's wife, she did make a pumpkin pie but also made a trifle. Not normally my favorite type of dessert, but since she makes hers with creme caramel in addition to the whipped cream and makes her own sponge cake, I was all over that! Although it was almost too pretty to eat since the top was perfectly decorated with kiwi, strawberries, and pomegranate seeds.

I said almost!

I really should clean now, but I think I'll go park my fat ass on the sofa and watch Celebrity Rehab instead!

gobble gobble whatevah

I don’t like Thanksgiving, okay?! I just don’t. I don’t like dry turkey or soggy stuffing or cranberry sauce. I’m not a gravy girl. I’d rather put butter all over my potatoes.

And I really don’t like pumpkin pie. Why not chocolate? Chocolate never hurt anybody (much). And scientists have proven that chocolate is healthy (sort of).

Why can’t we just eat artichoke dip all day and then have tacos for dinner? Why boring, bland, white bread food? We’re not Puritans. Spice is important. Fun is important. Lots and lots of wine is important (and will be consumed since we put the fun in dysfunctional).

Here begins my season of Scroogey McScroogerpants. I’ve published fair warning.

Some study was out yesterday that people who express gratitude have better health, and so we should keep that in mind at Thanksgiving. Well fine, but I’m an almost-40-year-old Bitter, and I’m perfectly healthy.

Besides, I am grateful for many things. I am grateful for shoes. And for bad reality TV. And for Daniel Craig, Clive Owen, and Jason Isaacs. I am grateful for peppermint mochas, which take down my Scroogey McScroogerpants mood a few levels. I am grateful for 30 Rock, Jon Stewart, and Stephen Colbert, else I might go totally insane during the week. I have gobs of gratitude for red wine and mojitos (I used to be grateful for margaritas until they started to injure me). I am grateful for Bono. Oh, and for Las Vegas. And for chocolate croissants. And chips and salsa.

But gratitude for dark Novembers, bland turkey, and a dessert made from squash? Not so much.

I am also ungrateful for stores playing Christmas music on November 1st.

And not grateful at all for the pressure to decorate, which I will begrudgingly do, so I’m not yelled at on Christmas Day for hosting the dinner but not providing a festive atmosphere. (But the only tree will be one that sits on top of an end table and came pre-decorated from Costco Home store.)

In my ideal world, my husband and I would go on vacation at Christmas. But since he’s a much nicer person than I am, he actually enjoys putting lights on the house and doing all that goofy Christmas business that only people with children should enjoy.

So our balance is that he has to take me Christmas shopping downtown to shops where they give you alcohol while you browse. I can’t beat them, I don’t really want to join them, but I can at least maintain a healthy level of intoxication to cope with it all.

wake me when it's over

As soon as I become inspired, I really will be posting something...err...inspiring?

Whatever.

I'm tired. Work has been...yeah. I'm tired. Layoffs suck.

To quote Will Ferrell impersonating Dubya, "Daddy, this is haarrrrrrrd!"

But it's nearly the weekend. I figure that gives me full license for cramming my cake hole.

And it's getting COLD out there. Boo.

I'm so tired, I can't even stay up for Celebrity Rehab. Sacre bleu! I'm sure that Ms. Alden will hug Dr. Drew's arm for me until I have a chance to watch it.

this is why I have SAD

Here's what 10 am looks like today.



Just shoot me now.

I sense copious amounts of bread and pasta in my future.

in absentia

I haven't posted in a while because...well, I have nothing interesting to say.

And the morons at Verizon farked up our phone on Friday afternoon, so I was without DSL all weekend. I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself, never having been through detox before. I survived remarkably well (if you don't count the package of chocolate chips cookies and half a bottle of merlot), but I had grave concerns about my husband. I may as well mount a laptop stand to his neck. I believe he was even in bed by 9:00 pm on Friday because he didn't know what to do with himself if he couldn't download Formula One videos.

So really, this meant I had the TV all to myself for the entire weekend since he functions on the laptop in front of his face, TV in the background mode of entertainment.

And here I thought I was the reason he spent the evenings in front of the TV. Just so we could have together time. Nope, 'tis the laptop.

That's okay. We've been together for 15 years, and he bought me M & M's and cake this weekend. After all these years, he still knows the way to my heart. And TV is much more fun when he's not complaining about my watching Celebrity Rehab or The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Rock on.

Meanwhile, my incredibly talented sister is NaNo'ing. But I figure she can hire me as The Gatekeeper once she's a rich and famous published author.

now life can go on

THANK GOD!