Tuesday, October 20, 2009

This blog needs a makeover, and so do you!

Don't worry, as much as I idolize Stacy London, I will not force you to stand in front of a three-way mirror in your over-sized holiday sweater and tapered jeans. (But for the love of God, if you own a holiday sweater, donate it to someone's grandmother. The tapered jeans will just have to go entirely.)

But, you, ladies, need an attitude makeover. These come in a variety of options, but today's attitude makeover is all about re-thinking your need to tear down other women in the workplace.

I really cringe to say this, but the fact of the matter is that, in my experience, the more women we have in a company, the more drama there is. As staffing ebbs and flows, the drama factor in the office can be directly correlated to the number of female employees. Mind you, I work with some incredible, intelligent, innovative, kick-ass women. But they are the minority. I have always worked for mid-sized firms, and, unfortunately, I have always found this to be the case.

Is this where we are in 2009? Really? Do we actually think that our male co-workers and managers will take us seriously if we become caught up in who said what to whom and whose turf is being trespassed?

Listen, I know that there are people who annoy the crap out of you! I get it. Some people are just mean. Some people can't see their way clear to rise above the petty. Some women are so riddled with insecurities and self-esteem issues that it would take a decade or more of therapy to dig their way out of it.

Or maybe someone just rubs you the wrong way. But that's okay! We're not supposed to be BFF's. We're supposed to be co-workers. Professionals who check our issues at the door and work together toward a common purpose.

What if, right now, you decided to stop participating in the high school games? What if you made a conscious decision to stop giving your power over to somebody else and letting her/him get a rise out of you? What if you decided to learn how to get your emotions under control?

Gender bias in America is alive and well, and we still have a lot of hurdles to overcome. Women in the U.S. still make only $.77 for every $1.00 men make for equitable work. Women pay more for medical insurance (and dry cleaning!). And we are still fighting for family leave rights despite federal and state protection. The list goes on.

These are issues that require thoughtful, concerted efforts to overcome. We aren't doing ourselves any favors by muddying the waters with gossip, backstabbing, playing the victim, and/or manipulating male coworkers with tears. It's okay to cry in the toilet stall once in a blue moon on a bad day, but to plunk in a manager's office with your tale of woe? This isn't getting us anywhere.

What's worse is that when real work issues arise between women, good luck being taken seriously if previous behavior indicated a gaggle of high school girls. Your bad behavior rubs off on all of us, so even those women who do behave professionally have a hard time when those issues arise.

So there it is. We need a revolution against all these petty squabbles and behaviors that hold us back. Imagine what we could do if we focused our energies on working together instead of tearing each other apart? What if we just stopped assuming that every look, tone, and gesture was somehow a personal attack? What if we understood that we're all - women and men - facing numerous challenges in our work and private lives. It isn't all about you. It isn't all about me. It's all about us.

What if!

And yes, this blog needs a Stacy London makeover. I'm working on it.

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