So I did my weigh-in this morning since Ms. Alden has challenged me to a muffin top throwdown.
The results of the weigh-in weren't pretty. But worse, we then went to Costco, and the entire store smelled like chocolate chip cookies.
Sure, Costco usually smells like bread or muffins the size of asteroids.
But today, the day I committed to a life of carrots and gruel, Costco had to smell like chocolate chip cookies.
However, the trauma only gets better from here.
I went to Starbucks and was just gazing at their menu board while I waited for my chai. And there were all these numbers on the menu board! I was trying to figure out what all these numbers meant. It appeared as though Starbucks had added three new sizes to their drink options. So I'm thinking...WHY do we need a 10 oz drink? 14 oz? 18 oz?
It was making no sense.
So I squinted my eyes to try to actually read the numbers (I am old, after all), and then it hit me.
CALORIES
Yes, it is now 2009, and our silly do-gooder county decided that all establishments must start posting caloric contents for all products. So now you see price and then calories across the menu board.
Yeah, like I'd always thought that venti mocha was health food.
In fact, I don't believe I've ever ordered a venti mocha. Anyone who would order a venti mocha deserves cellulite as far as I'm concerned, so WHY must I be shamed by our do-gooder county into feeling bad about my chai or latte?
Do they really think that anyone ordering a cheeseburger with bacon will be dissuaded by a calorie count?
In other news, we finally assembled our treadmill this afternoon. Talk about your basic marriage-challenging ordeal.
"I need you to hold this steady."
"Dear, it's like five hundred pounds."
"Just hold it steady, I need to get a hammer."
"Dear, it's like five hundred pounds."
"Don't move, I'll be right back."
"Um, hello?"
"Okay, I'm back. Now I'm going to rest this bar against your shoulder while I pound the other end of it into the--"
"Um, dear."
BANG BANG BANG BANG
"Dear, you know that when you hit the bar on that end, the other end hits my neck, right?"
"Almost done here. Just hold it still."
Yeah. But he did buy me dinner and a margarita afterwards, so I guess I forgive him for the neck thing.
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9 comments:
Hahahaha!!!!!! Spitting my high protein pre-treadmill power smoothie all over self! (Oh, yes! It is ON! My muffin top shall beat your muffin top!!)
I've been recently introduced to my very own muffin top. I swear, I thought runners could avoid this, but alas, no, I've proven to the world that runners too can have this tragedy plague their body.
Best of luck to you both.
xo!
Ha! Calories...
Pre-treadmill power smoothie? What is this? Does it make you have to pee while on the treadmill? This is becoming a problem for me. Important issue!
Sweet marital bliss. Tell me, were the instructions in twelve languages shrunk down to fit on a single sheet of paper?
Actually the calorie count has deterred me from ordering a cheese burger ... Weight watchers is the way to go (or a modified version thereof - don't bother shelling out the cash). That way you can still eat the cookies, you just can't eat anything else for the rest of the day (portion control - the only way to go!)
V - The instructions were in 12 languages and in very small font, but they went on for eleventy thousand pages with complex diagrams. SO MUCH FUN!
Tracey - I did Weight Watchers a couple years ago. It worked pretty well for me for about three months until I started saving up points during the week to SPLURGE on the weekend, and then I just undid myself. I will ALWAYS find a way!
Two words for you two ladies:
BIKRAM YOGA
it will whip your body back into shape faster than you can say Namaste. I'm heading there this morning. I'll be the red faced sweaty girl with frizzy hair.
I hate to tell you this, but I've had twins. My muffin top could probably swallow yours.
Actually, I hope that makes you feel better. :)
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